Romance Scams Targeting Gay & Bi Men: How They Work and How to Stay Safe
Romance scams cost people enormous sums every year, and gay and bi men are a frequent target. Scammers know that someone who's private about their sexuality, lonely, or newly out may be easier to isolate and pressure. Understanding the playbook is the best defense.
How the scam usually unfolds
It follows a pattern: contact (a very attractive stranger messages first), grooming (fast, intense affection to build trust and dependence), isolation (moving you off the app and discouraging you from telling friends), and finally the ask — money for an emergency, a plane ticket to "finally meet," customs fees, or an investment "opportunity."
Common variations
- The far-away boyfriend: he's on an oil rig, deployed overseas, or working abroad — always just out of reach of a real-life meeting.
- Crypto "pig butchering": he builds a relationship, then coaches you into a fake investment app that shows fake gains until you try to withdraw.
- Sextortion: he coaxes intimate images or video, then threatens to send them to your family or employer unless you pay.
How to protect yourself
- Verify he's real before anything else — insist on a live video call.
- Never send money, gift cards, or crypto to someone you met online and haven't met in person.
- Keep conversations on-platform as long as possible.
- Reverse-image-search photos that seem too good to be true.
- Tell a friend what's going on. Isolation is the scammer's best tool; a second opinion breaks the spell.
If you've already been targeted
You're not stupid and it's not your fault — these operations are professional and psychological. Stop all contact and payments, preserve the messages, and report it to your local police and national fraud reporting body. If intimate images are involved, StopNCII.org can help prevent them from spreading.
This is a sensitive topic, and if it's affecting your wellbeing, it's worth talking to someone you trust or a support line in your area.
The bigger fix
Scams thrive on anonymity. Remove the fake accounts and most of the danger disappears — which is exactly why we verify every single profile.
Throat Theory verifies every profile — no bots, no catfish. Join the waitlist →